Dealing With Loss and Grief

II Samuel 12:15-24

          I heard about this pastor. He was raising money for a new sanctuary. He said to his congregation “Whoever gives $1000 can pick out three hymns.” A little old lady in the back raised up her hand and said “Pastor, I’ll do it.” He was so excited. He said “Thank you very much. Go ahead and pick out three hymns.” She looked over the congregation and said “All right. I’ll take him, him and him!!!!!”

          I think it’s OK to have a little laughter in the church! Proverbs 17:22 says that “A cheerful heart is good medicine.” A cheerful heart makes life more enjoyable. But it’s hard to enjoy life when we’re going through a season of grief

          Every Christian deals with loss and grief at some time during their life. It might come in the form of the death of a loved one, the loss of a financial position, the loss of good health or the shattering of dreams. When this happens, we naturally ask, "Why?" and along with the original loss, we are sometimes tempted to lose our faith in God’s goodness. We enter a period of grief. How should we as Christians deal with this grief? Is it wrong to grieve? Has God forsaken us?

          The first thing the Christian faced with a loss should understand is, that it is "okay" to grieve. Jesus said, "Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted." (Mat. 5) The word "mourn" comes from a Greek word that means "to lament or bemoan oneself". Jesus said that we who bemoan ourselves are to be envied - blessed. Why is that? Because those who mourn will be comforted. In today’s English, the word "comfort" is almost synonymous with "sympathize."

          Although Jesus does sympathize with us; the scriptures describes Him as a "Man of Sorrows, well-acquainted with grief and able to sympathize with our weaknesses"; sympathy is not what is meant here. Perhaps you can better grasp the meaning of the Greek word used here (parakaleo) if you understand what comfort meant in Old English. It originally came from two words: come + fortify. God is saying here that He has more to offer us than a sympathetic ear and a pat on the head. He wants to come and fortify us or infuse us with his power. We are not helpless in our grief. He is here to give us the strength to go on and to live successful lives! In fact, He wants to change our losses into gains.

          Let’s go to the book of II Samuel, chapter l2, verses 15 through 24, where we will find a Biblical pattern for the grief process in a story from the life of David. You may recall that David committed adultery with Bathsheba, she became pregnant with his child and he had her husband killed. They then married but their child died soon after birth. (Now understand - the fact that sin was committed and punished in this story is irrelevant for our purposes. We just want to lift out the part about David’s grief and use it as a pattern.) Here is what the scriptures say.

          Then the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s widow bore to David so that he was very sick. David therefore inquired of God for the child; and David fasted and went and lay all night on the ground. And the elders of his household stood beside him, in order to hold him up from the ground, for he was unwilling and would not eat food with them. Then it happened that on the seventh day that the child died ...But when David saw that his servants were whispering together, David perceived that the child was dead; so David said to his servants, "Is the child dead?" And they said, "He is dead." So David arose from the ground, washed, anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he came into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he came to his own house, and when he requested, they set food before him and he ate. Then his servant said to him, "What is this thing you have done? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept; but when the child died, you arose and ate food." And he said, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, ’’Who knows, the Lord may be gracious to me, that the child may live. But now he has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.’" Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and went in to her and lay with her; and she gave birth to a son, and he named him Solomon. (NASB)

I- The first thing you should do is take care of yourself spiritually.

           David spent 7 straight days praying to God. And even after God didn’t give him the answer he was hoping for, he got dressed and went back to the temple and worshiped the Lord. Why? Because as much as he loved his infant child, he loved God more!

          Do you remember Job chapter one? Remember what he did after his ten children got killed? He fell on his knees and said, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." In other words, as upset and confused as I feel, the one thing I AM sure about is that God is good! God is in control! And I’m going to lean on him every single day until I’m dead!”

          I was reading about a grieving woman. She went to a well known evangelist looking for help. She said, "Reverend, my daughter died last year. I miss her so much. I made breakfast for her every morning. And even when I went to work, I knew that she would be there when I got home in the evening. But now I come home to an empty house. I’m lonely. What can I do?"

          The Reverend said, "You got to talk to Jesus the same way you used to talk to your daughter. When you get home, say out loud, “Lord Jesus, it’s good to be home.” While you’re getting supper ready, talk to Him about your day. At night, stretch out your hand in the darkness and say, ’Jesus, I love you! You’re my best friend. I’ll talk to you in the morning."

          Some months later, the evangelist met the woman again, but he didn’t recognize her, because she was so happy. She said "I did what you told me, and it has made a HUGE difference in my life. I’m closer to God than I’ve ever been!”

          She found out that the best way to work through her grief was through her personal relationship with Christ. The same thing is true today. Talk with Jesus in the same way that you would talk with Him if He was standing in front of you. Say “Lord, I want the same kind of closeness with you that I’ve enjoyed with other people, and I pray for it to be even better than that!!!”

          Taking care of yourself spiritually also means staying involved with church. A lot of people avoid church when they’re grieving. But that’s a mistake. David went right back to the temple! He was saying, "Lord, after all I’ve been through; I want you to know that being a part of the worshiping community is still my top priority. I may have lost a son. But I don’t want to ever lose my love for you. I don’t want to ever lose my zeal for your house."

Hebrews 10:25 says "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another and all the more as you see the day approaching." Take care of yourself spiritually.

II - The second thing you should do is to take care of yourself physically.    As soon as David finds out that his child is dead, he gets up. Takes a bath. Puts on moisturizers. Puts on a fresh set of clothing. And after the worship service, he eats a big meal. I don’t know what it is. But there’s something comforting about food. Maybe that’s why they call it Comfort Food.

           Many people after a loss fail to take are of themselves and they wind up getting sick or losing weight to the point of chronic health problems occurring. You need to eat and take care of yourself even when you don’t feel like it. You may not care if you live or die at this point and may think that dying will even be better than the pain you are feeling. But that is not’s God’s plan for you. If it was He would have taken you already.

          Remember what happened to Elijah in 1 Kings 19 when he was depressed? The angel of the Lord came and said, "Eat something! The journey is too much for you! You need food!!" And he cooked him a meal over hot coals. And the Bible says that he was strengthened by that food. And was able to travel another 40 days and 40 nights. You too will feel better faster if you eat something. And take care of yourself physically.

III - The third thing you should do is take care of yourself socially.

           Did David spend the rest of his life lying on the ground in dust and ashes? Living in isolation? Feeling sorry for himself? No! He talks with his palace servants. He spends some time with his wife. In other words, he started living again. And it’s time for some of you to do the same thing. That doesn’t mean you forget about your loved one or the lost job or divorced spouse. You never forget. But it does mean that you refuse to allow the grief to paralyze you.

          There was a movie years ago called "Chapter Two." With James Caan and Marsha Mason. In the movie, James Caan’s wife dies. And 8 or 9 months go by. And his brother comes over and says, "That’s it. I’m sick of seeing you sitting around. Doing absolutely nothing. When are you going to start living again? Now get out of the house and do something!"

          And even though he doesn’t feel like, James Caan goes out on a date. And he ends up really liking the girl. They fall in love. And he ends up being so happy, that for a while he forgets that there was a time in his life when he was so sad. That’s why the movie is called "Chapter Two." Because he was able to move on to the next chapter in his life.

          Isaac did the same thing after his mother Sarah died. He married Rebekah. And Genesis 24:66 says that she became his wife and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death. He didn’t keep to himself like a hermit. He opened his heart. And found happiness again.

          You need the contact of other people even when you don’t want to see anybody. Just someone to talk to or more importantly someone just to listen to you is some of the best therapy in the world.

IV - And once you’ve taken care of yourself spiritually. Physically. And Socially, You need to reach out to others who are grieving. That’s what David does. 2 Samuel 11:24 says that "David comforted his wife Bathsheba."

          I was reading about a young boy who was sent by his mom to the corner store to buy a loaf of bread. He was gone much longer than it should have taken him. When he finally returned, his mother asked, "Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you." 

          "Well," he answered, "there was a little boy with a broken tricycle who was crying. So I stopped to help him." The mom said, "I didn’t know you could fix tricycles!" The boy said, "I can’t. I just stood there and cried with him!"

          You don’t have to be good with words. Just being there to share someone’s pain and grief will be more appreciated than you’ll ever know. Remember the story of Lazarus’s death and resurrection? John 11:19 says that many Jews came to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother." Their words are not recorded. You know why? Because what they said wasn’t nearly as important as the fact that they were there! That was beautiful! That’s how you find out who your true friends are. The ones who show up at your doorstep even after your personal world falls apart.

          I just want you to know that with God’s help, you can get through this season of grief. Take care of yourself. Spiritually. Physically. And Socially. And don’t forget to help others who are going through what you’ve been through. And if you haven’t done this already, ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. Revelation 7:17 says that “The Lamb will be your shepherd. And God will wipe away every tear from your eyes.” Jesus loves you, this I know. For the Bible tells me so. Let’s pray.